The HAIDO- Chapter 2- BL

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CHAPTER II

BL

Actually it’s an abbreviation for Boy’s Love. I think all good-looking male whose image has been made public will soon or later find out about its meaning (laughs) I thought I'd see it only in Asia but I've seen BL also in overseas!!

I know that is about male relationships that are made up for girls. I remember of having my first contact with BL in my very early years with L’Arc~en~Ciel. When we were leaving Club Rockets (Cradle of many indie rock bands from Osaka. A cool live house where L’Arc~en~Ciel had their primordial performances), after one of our shows, we faced a group of about 5 female fans that were waiting for us at the backdoor exit of the live house to get our autographs and some info where we’d perform next. They were all very enthusiastic, giggling and blushing whenever we say something (laughs) Then, one of them came right to me and handed me a nice letter. She was clearly embarrassed of giving me the letter and I wondered she had probably said something like “Daisuki” inside it or something alike that would be taken as a love confession. From the top of my youth’s selfishness, I felt it was somehow cute. I was learning how to cope with such feelings by that time: the feelings of the fans towards me, and my feelings towards them. She just added after I signed her ticket: “Please, don’t forget to open the letter”. And I noticed her eyes had a strange glow when she said that. Then she left and that glow, maybe, made me actually not part from the envelope I had in my hands.

After some drinks with the guys, we were so exhausted from the shows, that were happily starting to become constant, that I waved them good-bye and went home. I remember it was late at night already. The night was cloudy and chilly. I went the way home walking and appreciating the night, feeling the breeze that entangled around my body. No doubt it would soon start to rain. Thinking about that made my hand go to the pocket of my jacket just to check if the envelope would be safe if the rain caught me on the way.

After a shower, I just sat on the bed and saw the letter on it. It was as any other fan letter I had received. It was cutely decorated and from it came a very nice smell from the stationary the girl used. I was just puzzled how something so ordinary was causing me such apprehension?

“Damn it, let’s just see what’s inside”, I told myself out loud as I ripped the envelope at once, taking care not to cut off the cute flowers she drew outside it, though.

There was a letter inside, very small. It was more likely to be a note. I felt it suspect since I was waiting for a more intimate confession. The note said “You’re very pretty. I love your long hair. I understand your feelings. I support your love for Tetsu san” (laughs). She ended the sentence with a heart!! I was like “What the Hell??”. In my olden days, I was expecting for ardent fans that would open up their hearts. I had seen many foreign rock bands’ VHS. The love of fans of rock artists was ardent. They’d go serious if they loved a band member and I was warned that being the vocal, I’d get a lot of love confessions, so I should be careful. I thought I was prepared for my first serious love confession as a rock artist but, in reality, she was saying I was dating another band member.

The subject started coming to my mind frequently. Maybe it was because of my looks with long hair? It was right that I was constantly mistaken for a girl in those times or maybe it was because I was really quite close to Tecchan… But none I could think of would make me understand why that girl would think that.

Later, as the shows started to become more and more frequent and we started performing in other cities, our fandom seemed to grow bigger and bigger. It was surely a good sign that our music was getting to be noticed for more and more people. And the BL subject was for a time out of my mind until another girl gave me another letter when she could catch me at the parking. She handed me a cute letter and told me “Read it, please” and as I looked at her and our eyes met, there it was: that same glow!! (laughs) I felt a cold shiver running through my spine.

As soon as the girl left the parking, I opened the envelope and again a small letter said “You’re very pretty >_< Please, never cut your hair~ I love how it moves when you jump. I have noticed you’re very fond of Sakura san. I love you together. You do a nice pairing~ Please, be sweet to him. I know he loves you too”. Perplexed with her words, I opened the bigger amount of papers that were enclosed with the letter and to my surprise I saw the doushinji she drew(a fan magazine created by amateurs who are training their writing and drawing techniques making side stories of their favorite characters ). She not only had written that saku chan and me were a couple as she drew it!! It was actually very easy to recognize myself in those pages as I confessed “Sakura chan” I can only think of him whenever I start writing lyrics and how I’d love to be held by him!!! (laugh) I can laugh about it now but at that time it turned into a big problem. I felt terribly irritated by those pages. What were those girls thinking?

Since it really became an issue to me, I talked about it with ken chan. He said he hardly got such kind of mails but his opinion about them was positive. For him, I was adored by my fans to the point of them to start fantasize about me. He also said I was pretty and maybe that would make me more suitable for such stories and mocking me, he said he’d love to be my seme (the active partner in a homo/BL relationship), if he could. What??? I’d never thought about that(laughs)

As we grew more and more famous, the fan mails were so big I couldn’t read everything but if I did a percentage of the letters I got with any kind of BL content, it would be around 77%. Moreover, this genre was vast going from manga to novels, passing for the illustrations and on. That was one of the reasons I passed a long time without reading any fan letter!! It hurt being depicted that way... that time.

I cut my hair and showed more of my male look. The girls like it too but the internet was filled with fanfictions of their favorite pairings. In those fan made stories I was often depicted doing things I’d better hide from my mom... So, I found out how far a girl filled with that glow could go.

Then, around 2000, I met someone very dear to me. She was constantly telling me I was pretty. We hang out a lot together at that time and she also loved mangas and drew them. She would send me reviews on the lives and new projects. Once, when I got to know her deeper, she furtively told me she thought I am sexy even in girl’s clothes. Then I saw in her eyes the reflection of that same glow that had amazed me in the eyes of my fans shining in my own eyes.

Somehow, I found out the pleasure it is to make the one you love satisfied, so I started dealing better with any BL subject that has been arising in my career. I think my reluctance in accepting my fans’ way of expressing their love towards me was actually part of my immaturity. When I started knowing the woman’s heart better, I’ve realized that if I can penetrate their imaginary, I’ll have the key to their hearts. BL was the way they had to tell me how deep they think of me, appreciate my work and look after me. I think it’s very amusing knowing about what they’re drawing and writing. Actually, it’s really amusing giving them some fan service and enjoying with a pleased face their enjoyment caused by my teasing ways. It’s something I’ve come to enjoy more and more with the years.

Nowadays, I am into all the fuss over my marshmallow and I hold dear all the kazuhai episodes you’ve written (laughs)

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